Flippant Hal, the Golden Son

Living in a Body

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Flippant Hal, the Golden Son

Ep. 4 - Hal makes a major personality change

Hal Walker

Jan 29, 2022

Hi. I’m Hal. I send out this jam-packed “newsletter” every Saturday morning and a much smaller version every Tuesday morning. If you know someone who might like to join the “Living in a Body” community, please pass it on. Let the stories unfold. ❤️ H

Flippant Hal, the Golden Son

Sometimes in my writing I get a little flippant and to be honest, I kinda like it.

I'm the only son of a Presbyterian minister. Surrounded by sisters, I was the golden son -- expected to be perfect in every way. My essential job was to please and impress my mom’s friends. I've spent my entire life trying to make sure that everybody's happy and that everyone likes me. If you don’t believe me, ask 1.5 million of my TikTok followers. You can see the problem illustrated quite well here in the Instagram comment thread below:

If you need more convincing, ask Keith Gribbins, the guy at Scene magazine that labeled me a "folk charmer" in the headlines. When it comes to pleasing, I’m a master. You might call me a “master pleaser.”

Hal Walker, folk charmer, master pleaser

If you’re still not convinced of the seriousness of the problem, let me put it to you this way: because of my impeccable charm, my wit and my timing, I was voted “Best Personality” in the 1984 senior superlatives at Kent Roosevelt High School.

I rest my case.

But I'm sick of it. I’m tired of it. And I’m done with it. Hear me now that I'm ready to ruffle some feathers. Right here on Substack, you should plan to meet a Hal Walker that you’ve probably never met before. The question is: are you ready?

Here on Living in a Body, I want to be free of the worry that somebody might have a negative thought about me. In fact, here in this community, I want to piss a few people off. I’m hoping that some of you will storm away from this newsletter and say,

"I'm never going back. That Hal... he's too flippant, too raunchy, too cocky. To be honest, I’m concerned.” - pissed and concerned reader.

Listen, everyone needs an outlet for their flippant side and this is gonna mine, so I suggest you prepare yourself.

He’s sick of it, he’s tired of it and he’s done with it.

So tell me…what does this so-called word “flippant” mean anyway? Let's investigate.

Flippant: adjective flip·pant | \ ˈfli-pənt \ 1. :lacking proper respect or seriousness.

That's exactly it. For once in my life, let me be a little disrespectful here. Maybe I'll even use a bad word occasionally. Goodness gracious. I am ready to let that flippant side loose on the world — right here on “Living in a Body.” And you know what… I don’t even care if you have a problem with it. So there, dang nab it!

Unfortunately for me, the people who read Living in a Body are people like my mom, my high school physics teacher, my aunts, my uncles and the members of my church. All the people that I've been trying so hard to please and impress for so many years.

I keep thinking, wouldn't it be nice to have an audience of people meeting me for the first time - people that won't start "getting concerned" if I get a little outrageous. Strangers would learn quickly that I don't care what people think about me. They would admire the edge in my tone and they’d keep coming back for more because of the way I write the truth — no matter how ugly it gets.

“There goes that Hal, the golden son —unafraid to be flippant, unafraid to get real.” - reader who’s never met Hal.

Last week in Sudden Onset, we talked about STD's and HIV and UTI's and I think that was a real good start. I mean I've been down some pretty dark alleyways in my time, people. I am not proud of some of the shenanigans I've performed. But one thing for sure, I don't want to have to hide that stuff here for fear that my childhood piano teacher might be a little shocked or a little disappointed. (By the way, if you're here, childhood piano teacher, please know I that I love you and your family dearly and I'm honored that you made your way here to read this silliness. ❤️)

When I write, I like to get into a flow. I enjoy speaking it out loud with a whole lot of passion, drama and character in my voice. (Audio Here) I love writing stuff that makes me laugh out loud. I realize that a lot of the humor is probably inside jokes between me and myself, but to be honest, I'm here to have a good time. I mean c’mon people, I'm 90% bedridden. I've got a good excuse.

“C’mon people, I’m 90% bedridden. I’ve got a good excuse.” - Flippant Hal, the Golden Son

A couple Saturday's ago, I sent my big Announcement to a super smart, professional editor friend of mine. I asked him to give me his honest feedback about the piece and he did. It was Friday night, the announcement was due on Saturday and I had a real good feeling that this thing was done and it was a home run — out of the ballpark. I shared the secret link with Jerry and within 15 minutes, he was calling me on the phone with some concern in his voice. "Hal. I'm concerned about the tone." He used words like "cocky.” He thought that new readers might be "turned off." He wanted the new reader to meet the Hal that he knows and loves and he felt the tone that I was taking wasn't doing that.

It was very hard to hear this feedback. Jerry didn't seem to understand that that tone comes from a place of me talking to myself, laughing out loud and having a good old time throwing words down onto the page. It was flippant Hal, the Golden Son and he was having fun. After having worked so hard, the idea of re-toning that whole piece made me deflated and (even more so) exhausted.

But I'm sure glad that I did. (Thank you, Jerry.)

This was a great example of the creative process at its finest. You feeling super good thinking your work is done, reaching out to a friend so he’ll tell you how amazing it is and how awesome you are but he comes back and basically says you gotta write the whole thing over and then you actually do write the whole thing over and it turns out better than it was all because you were willing to hear and consider your friend’s challenging feedback — the creative process. It took about an hour to revamp the piece. I took a more humble tone and a quieter voice and I’m really glad that I did. The Announcement turned out so much better.

BUT I’M NOT GONNA DO THAT EVERY TIME. OK!?

As I lie here in my bed, facing the greatest challenge of my life, I don't want to hold back sharing with you the pain, the tears and the ugliness of what I'm going through. It's very serious. Sure I keep smiling, but I cry a lot too. (see next Saturday’s Substack, “I Love Crying.”) Also, I don’t wanna hold back sharing some of the dark places I’ve been in my past. I’ve lived several lives and I’m here to write whatever comes up without hiding. They say that the most personal is the most universal and I’m willing to go there with you if you’ll allow it. If I make some mistakes and happen to piss you off, it’s all for the best. It’ll be great practice for me.

“As I lie here in my bed, facing the greatest challenge of my life, I don't want to hold back sharing with you the pain, the tears and the ugliness of what I'm going through.” - Hal

My love Kim has seen me at my best and she’s seen me at my worst. Kim has met the flippant, spontaneous, outrageous golden son and she usually forgives him. She knows that a little raunchy humor and unexpected honesty gives me some temporary relief from this unrelenting discomfort. I so appreciate the way Kim rolls her eyes at me at just the right moments. She’s an angel in my life. Sometimes I think she’s a little surprised at herself for laughing at some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth.

Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth.

Let me be clear. I don't want to be rude, I’m not gonna be mean and I’ll try not to be an ass, but I do wanna have fun here and I want to be real. I want to tell the truth and sometimes I wanna exaggerate the truth for dramatic effect. I wanna have the freedom to be myself. Equally, I want to offer you a safe space to be yourself. I was so pleased with the success of Tuesday’s very first What’s Your Story? People told stories of a significant musical moment in their life. As I keep putting the prompts out on Tuesday mornings, I hope you’ll speak from your heart and from the edges of your heart. I hope we can get a little vulnerable together. I can’t wait to read what you write.

As a lifelong master pleaser, it’s way past time for me to learn that what anybody else thinks about me is none of my business. My business is to write and to lay it gracefully into your inbox. One week at time, I’ll type the words and over and over again, I’ll edit the words. Then on Saturday morning, I’ll push the blue publish button and I’ll let it go. I’m honored that you’ve let me into your box. (That’s what she said.)

❤️ Hal