The Wedding
Last Saturday afternoon, my daughter Hallie married her college sweetheart, Andy Donnelly. June 15, 2024 was truly one the most beautiful and memorable days of my life. The wedding was a blue skies, sunshine, smooth-running, reasonably-budgeted, love-filled festival of family and friends all packed together in a perfect 78 degree day on the Hines Hill Campus in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. Seriously, no bride or groom could have wished for more. Though I spent much of the day face down on a mattress in the hatchback of my Toyota Prius, I’m grateful that I was able to be there at all. I missed a bunch of it, but I made several public appearances at key moments throughout the day. I’d like to share a few of my favorites with you.
The Posse
Cameron was my driver for the day. I’ve known Cameron since he was a kid. He’s grown into a fine young man and he got all cleaned up for the wedding. He looked good with a nice jacket, a haircut and a cool hat. I was glad to have him along as a key member of my posse. Mango was my anything-I-need helper and Annette was my guest and spiritual advisor for the day. Annette’s a Quaker. She knows how to sit quietly and wait for the still small voice to move before speaking. My ME/CFS ridden brain deeply appreciates that quality in a person.
Annette also knows how to have a good time. One of my favorite moments of the day was watching my best friend from childhood walking side by side and laughing with Annette as they headed toward my car. It didn’t surprise me one bit that they were getting along so well. I appreciate how loving and affectionate Georg is. He and I sat together on the back of the car and held each other’s faces close while we expressed our care for one another. I so appreciated our closeness as I felt the bristles of his beard on mine. There was a whole lot of love present on that Saturday afternoon. I had almost no endurance for the day, but I didn’t want it to ever end.
The First Look
My first public appearance was at 3:15 pm for the “First Look.” I wheeled my chair into the stone cottage and waited in the hallway for Hallie to step out in her wedding gown. I didn’t know what to expect from myself, but it didn’t surprise me a bit that as soon as she appeared in the doorway, all the emotions of 26 years of fatherhood welled up in me and I burst out in tears. I was grateful for the release as I sat there in my wheelchair. I was feeling so much. Deeply touched by her beauty, her youth, her effervescence and my love for her, I wept like a grown man. It turns out that was just the first of a full day of similar emotional releases. It was a remarkable day of big feelings.
The Walk
My next honor was to walk Hallie down the aisle. For weeks leading up to the wedding, I wondered whether I would walk or wheel the over 50 feet of land that needed to be covered at the processional . Even though she’d never admit that it mattered, I really didn’t want to disappoint Hallie with a wheelchair ruining the picture perfect moment. On the day before at the rehearsal, I wasn’t humble enough to use the chair. I kept popping up to stand as I shook hands with Andy’s family and the wedding party. Every ounce of my granddad that lives in me said that that’s what a man does. He stands up to shake a hand. When the time came to rehearse the walk, a momentary combination of self-will, fear and people pleasing took over and I walked — all the way down and all the way back. The next morning, as I trembled with weakness in my bed, I knew that I was paying the price for my pride. With ME/CFS, that price is rarely worth it.
At the last minute before the actual procession, with a clarity of thought breaking through the weakness in my brain, it became clear that rolling down the aisle was the right thing to do. When I told her my plan, Hallie didn’t flinch. I realized once again that when it comes to this illness, my daughter is one of my most compassionate supporters.
We took our time getting down the aisle. I held Hallie’s right hand while my elbow rested on the arm rest of my chair. Being in the chair put me right about at her level. I kept my eyes fixed on my daughter the whole way down. With tears running down her face, she was truly stunning.
The Hug
Hallie’s aunt Johanna and Andy’s aunt Ann were the co-officiates of the wedding. They waited with Andy as Hallie and I approached the arch. The moment after our arrival is a moment that I will never forget. I stood up to give Hallie a big embrace. My arms wrapped all the way around her and I kissed her head. When I turned around to hug Andy, there were tears pouring down his face. Those tears welled up all the same feelings in me. I looked Andy straight into his eyes with great warmth and gratitude and love. As we murmured a few heartfelt words of affection, we embraced.
Then I sat back down in my wheelchair, maneuvered myself over next to Hallie’s mom and settled in for the ceremony.
The Song
I had hoped to sing a song at the wedding. A few weeks ago, I even texted Andy’s dad to see if he’d like to back me up with his acoustic guitar. Having never met me in person, Bill gave a resounding “Yes.” But over the next few weeks, my symptoms got worse. It became clear that it would be absurd for me to get up in front of an audience and try to sing. With one more ME/CFS heartbreak, I let go of the idea.
Fortunately, Hallie and Andy thought to invite Andy’s sister, Ellie to sing the song in my place. I’m SO glad that that’s what happened. With her dad backing her up, Ellie did a wonderful rendition of Kate Wolf’s “Give Yourself to Love.” While she was singing so beautifully, I was glowing with gratitude that it wasn’t me up there struggling through the song. I guess God works in mysterious ways, doesn’t she, though?
The Vows
When Hallie was a freshman at Kent State, she got cast in a two-person play called The Stonewater Rapture. Guess who was the co-star? Yep. Andy. It was soon after the close of that show that Andy and Hallie started dating. That was seven years ago. Since then, they first moved to Atlanta to weather the pandemic and then in June of 2021, they found a great apartment in Brooklyn, NY where they live their full lives today.
During the ceremony, we were treated to more of the story of their love and then we got to listen in on the intimate vows shared between these two best friends. I’m continually struck with how well they get along and how much they like each other. It warms my heart. When Hallie was asked when she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Andy, she responded, “It never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life with Andy.”
I’m so happy for these newlyweds. They seem to have found a wonderful match. Jim Bray, the director of The Stonewater Rapture in 2017 was in attendance at the wedding to confirm that he was the first to see the great chemistry between Hallie and Andy.
The Mother of the Bride
It was 28 years ago today that Shannon and I threw a DIY wedding at a lake in Geauga County called Shangri-La. Our marriage didn’t last, but it produced a shining light in the world. After many years of co-parenting at a distance, I’m grateful for my friendship with Shannon and for the kindness expressed between us this week. We were two proud parents in the crowd.
I appreciate Shannon’s role in making Hallie who she is. Every time I open up TikTok to see Hallie’s latest, there I see Shannon. I see her beauty, her intelligence, her wit, her impeccable sense of rhythm and her fire. In my welcome speech, I wrote “In spite of all the challenges, Shannon, I think we did a real good job. Who knows? Maybe someday, you and me’ll get to be grandparents.”
The Welcome
I had the great honor of reading a welcome/father-of-the-bride speech at the beginning of the reception. After nixing my first attempt at writing, (which included a sermonette about Love and a weird, potentially inappropriate joke) I came up with a seven minute speech on gratitude that spoke of the joining of two villages. It began like this:
“It was very early on January 1, 1998 and I was getting home too late from some New Year’s Eve festivities. Shannon hadn't been feeling well that night, but we had two more weeks till the baby was due and I hadn’t yet learned the joy of going to bed early. At 2:00 in the morning, I pet beanie for a few minutes as she clawed my chest and then I fell asleep pretty fast.
I hadn't slept for more than an hour when Shannon woke me up. Within minutes, it became clear that she was going into labor and that we needed to get to the hospital. At 4 am, the contractions were getting closer and closer. Shannon held on for dear life as we raced our little red Honda civic station wagon to Robinson Memorial. A little past 6 am, just after the doctor finally arrived, our child was born. It was a girl and the nurse said, "She looks like a Hallie." Two weeks earlier than expected, Hallie Alvida Walker became Portage County’s New Years baby of 1998 and the whole world got just a little bit brighter.”
I broke down a bit as I spoke the next line. I said,
“Hallie. One of the things that I love most about my life is that I get to be your dad. Thank you for being such a light in my life. Thank you for being such a light in all our lives. I love you and I’m so proud of you... and I can't wait to see what happens next. You probably already know this, but one of the highlights of my day is opening up TikTok to see your latest. I'll always be cheering for you, Hallie. ”
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
The Father/Daughter Dance
Back in May, the DJ asked Hallie what song she'd like to use for the father-daughter dance. When Hallie and I tried to think of what songs were meaningful to us, we drew a blank. As she was growing up, we didn’t listen to much music in our home. The music in our house was Hallie practicing the piano and singing broadway musicals at the top of her lungs. But after several minutes of pondering, the obvious choice became clear. There was truly no other choice but my song “Underneath the Surface.” Hallie and I began performing this song together on stages when she was just a kid. For years, I’ve treasured a recording of that song that I made when she was five and we found the perfect use for it last Saturday.
We talked briefly about how we should dance the song but we didn’t have a plan. I told her that it would probably be best if I stayed in the chair. But when I wheeled up to the center of the dance floor and met Hallie there in her gown, I stood up and took her in my arms. We began swaying back and forth and lived an eternal moment that brought the whole tent down in tears.
The Drive Home
Cameron and I left the wedding earlier than I had wanted to but I knew my body couldn’t take anymore. While Cameron drove, I took my shoes off, curled up in the back and wept while I read a thank you letter from each Hallie and her new husband, Andy. I’m keeping those letters by my bedside to remind me of the love that I have in my life.
On Father’s Day, the day after the wedding, Hallie, Andy and I spent some time debriefing the whole event. We were all still glowing from the perfection of it all. They asked an intriguing question. “If the wedding had been a movie, who would have been the main character?” It couldn’t have been Hallie or Andy because it was all too perfect for them. Without too much argument, I humbly agreed that it very well could have been me that was the main character. “The Wedding” starring Hal Walker — a true story of love and loss, illness and courage, joy and grief, recovery and regret, success and failure, forgiveness and family and all the other qualities that make for a good tear jerker.
When we hugged at the end of the evening, Andy said, "Happy Fathers Day, Dad." I laughed when he said it but it makes me cry now. What a great guy my new son-in-law is. Thanks for making my daughter so happy, Andy.
Hallie and Andy are in Costa Rica right now having the honeymoon of a lifetime. I’m lying here waiting for the next photo that’ll hopefully be showing up in my messages before too long.
Share this post