Hi. I’m Hal. Welcome. To listen to the recommended podcast version of this publication, tap that PLAY button above. Enjoy.
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Water, Color and Letting Go of Control
The story begins when I got a card from my friend in San Francisco named Amir. He was just sending me a card letting me know he was thinking about me. And my first reaction was, I want to be the kind of guy that sends cards. I just appreciate it so much when people send me a card, especially with a personal letter on the inside or some sort of personal illustration. He created a little illustration of Ohio and I loved it. And I thought, “that's the kind of person I want to be.”
So within minutes, I was over on Amazon, buying 100 blank cards. I got these nice brownish cardstock cards that you fold in half, and they come with an envelope. I wasn't sure what I was going to put on those cards, but I knew I wanted it to be personal and original. I was going to become a guy that sends cards.
Then maybe the next day or next couple of days, my sister Caroline let me know that she had gotten into water coloring, and I thought that was cool. She showed me a few of her watercolors and I thought, “wow, KK, that's great.” I love the fact that Caroline is getting into water coloring.
I've ventured downstairs the next day and got out my calligraphy set that I had purchased a couple years ago, thinking I would become a calligraphy artist and I set it all up in my bed. Within minutes I failed at calligraphy, I had a sense that calligraphy was not my thing. It was just too complicated with the ink and trying to figure out all those letters. I failed. And right after my calligraphy attempt, I had a crash. I looked down to the text and had one of these awful seizures or these crashes. It gave me a bad feeling about calligraphy.
So it occurred to me that maybe water coloring… maybe I could somehow incorporate water coloring into this card-making effort. So who did I call? I called my amazing mom, my neptogenerian mom, I think neptogenerian is a word. And I asked her to bring over water coloring supplies. And within hours or at least a day, there was my mom, huffing and puffing up the stairs to bring her bed bound, chronically ill, 58-year-old son supplies for water coloring.
My mom's amazing and she gave me a lesson. She gave me this beautiful lesson about taping off the edges, creating these little little rectangles of color, just throwing paint down. There are no rules, we would first draw a black line, a random black line, then throw some paint down. And right away we experienced success. And then I took off the tape. So it has really clear white edges. And then I cut these little little rectangles. Within minutes, I had them rubber cemented to these cards that I had purchased. My mom showed me the freeform way to create beauty using watercolors.
And then I started sending cards out. I started collecting addresses through text, and then sending out these cards with a personal message on the inside. And it felt really good. It felt good to put the stamp on it. It felt good to write the address on it. I highly recommend it to anybody who's wondering. It was a very satisfying process. I just hang it outside the mailbox outside my house and the mailman takes it away.
Well, um, so I adopted this freeform style of water coloring and I even invited a friend over and I taught her how to do this and we together we made a really beautiful set of rectangles using this. The first thing I said is there are no wrong marks. Yeah, there's no wrong way to do this.
One way to do it, though, that was the lesson, you know, just throw paint down, throw water down, throw paint down. And that's what we did. And we had success. And then I bought a set. I needed more, I needed more, I only had like 10 colors, and I needed more. So I bought a set of 30. And it included something called a water brush. And I had no idea what a water brush is or what to do with a water brush. So it's a brush that you fill that you fill the handle with water. So I assumed that you just use a like a brush, and I've dipped it in the paint and started painting. But it was weird because it was hard to get the color off then once you add the color, so I was confused. And the next day I made a call to a fellow in my 12 STEP program, a guy named Rob in New York. And right away I said, Yeah, I've been water coloring. And he said, I love water coloring. He's a costume designer and a theater director. And he uses watercolors to create costume designs. Like he said he would create a dress and then color the dress in. And I was so curious, I was so used to the freeform style of water coloring, I had no idea how you could stay within the lines.
So he mentioned a technique that I didn't know about, he would pre wet the paper right up to the line. And then when he would add paint, the paint would follow the water.
And I was very intrigued. So the next day as I broke out my watercolors and put a few black lines down on the paper, I started playing around with this idea of while adding water. And then I had this huge epiphany, this moment of truth. The water brush is not about painting paint, it's about painting water.
And my mind was blown. And I picked up this water brush and I drew a clean line of water right up next to that black line. And when I added the paint, when I added the color, the color flowed like a little river. Right along that perfect line of water.
It held … the water holds the color.
And I was blown away by this. And I adopted it. In that moment I adopted a new technique.
So I got some real nice watercolor paper and Cameron and I went to Kinko's and we cut these three inch by four and a half inch cards. And we taped off the edges and I started making abstract designs using a black marker and then filling those designs with solid color, with bold solid color. And now I'm creating little mini painting after mini painting, using this new technique that I'm loving.
For several days now I've been making these very satisfying projects using a very precise method of staying exactly within the line. Going right up to the line perfectly. You can see some samples here in the Substack but I've just been loving it. I'm loving choosing the color. I'm loving choosing the palette of colors I use for each piece. I tend toward fall colors. I love muted colors and fall colors, and almost Southwestern kind of colors. And I'm also using some bright colors, but I'm creating bold shapes, abstract shapes with bold, solid color.
Which is very different from from what I had learned from my mom.
In my new technique, the water brush plays an important role. You bring that water brush right up to the line and paint the stroke of water. A beautiful stroke of water perfectly right up next to the line. But every once in a while there’s a disaster. When the dam of water breaks and one color flows freely into another color, and I’m like NOOOOOO, It’s funny … and terrible.
So it's been it's been really fun. Then on Sunday, three friends came over at Sunday morning. And I invited each of them to join me in water coloring. And I showed them my new technique of creating lines and then staying right within the lines. It's kind of glorified paint-by-numbers. It's like I actually am creating the design, but I'm just filling in the black lines with color. Sunday early afternoon, my friend Annette was over, and I had shown her my precise method of creating perfect shapes and perfect lines. And earlier that day, I had asked my mom to come over to give me a second lesson. Annette’s a Quaker and Annette and I do a lot of sitting quietly together. We sit in silent meeting; we'll have long periods of silence. And as we were watercoloring on Sunday afternoon, it was very quiet in here, we were both working on our own project. And then we could hear my mom come in.
My mom is a force to be reckoned with, if you haven't met her. Her name's Janet Walker. And she is a force to be reckoned with a creative, artistic, amazing, energized energy bunny, going non stop cleaning the house, landscaping the yard, at the age of 92, still going strong.
And we could hear her huffing and puffing up the stairs. And she walked in with a big coat on, holding this drape, holding a purse, holding a water coloring book. And she sat down, and my mom doesn't hear very well says she speaks, she has to speak kind of loudly and I need to speak loudly. And normally, when people come into my room, I ask them to whisper. But my mom gets special privileges, she doesn't have to whisper. So she sort of stormed in with a very great force of energy. And she sat down at that table where Annette and I were sitting, and she broke out the paper. And she broke out a brush. And for five minutes, I watched an experienced artist paint with abandon. She just let it go. She didn't matter if her brush that was already filled with one color touched another color. She’d just dunk it in the water, slap on a little bit more paint. And within three minutes, she created this beautiful masterpiece. She created this very simple but beautiful masterpiece. Totally different than anything I had created.
She looked at my pieces and said, “Those are good, but you've really got to let go of control. You've got to let go of control, Hal. I thought you were the one that knew how to let go of control. I thought you were the free spirit.” Well, little does my mom know, I'm a highly controlled person. I don't know if you know this about me. But back in the 80s, I was a I was a bit of a hacky sack star. But my hacky sack playing was very controlled. It was very precise, very controlled. And the guys that were really good could let go of control. They could just flow. They could flow and be wild. And that's what I saw in my mom. She painted with abandon. She painted like a wild woman.
Yes, she's not seeing very well either. So she didn't even care that she could see. She didn't even care what particular color she was putting the brush in. She just throw it down. And her strokes were just so fluid. And so it was all about the flow, and it happened fast. And Annette and I both were just stunned at her, watching this master at work. By the way, Annette asked my mom if she was an artist, and my mom, in some very unimpressive way, said, “Well, I spent many years substitute teaching. But as a young person, I had a job at Scott Foresman designing.” And I wanted to stop her and say. “Mom, stop. You're an artist. You're one of the finest artists. I know. I grew up with you. And I have seen your art.”
We need to get a Janet Walker gallery show going. This woman is an artist. Forget that she spent many years substituting in local schools for 50 bucks a day. Forget that she worked at Scott Foresman. This woman is an artist. Mom, you're an artist. Get over it.
So Annette and I were stunned. We watched as this woman stormed in, threw some art down, and then stormed away. It was like a tornado of creativity hit us.
But my mom left me with that one note. She said, “Those are good, but you've got to let go of control, Hal,” and I realized that's the case. I'm gonna - I like my controlled water colors. I like them. I have a stack of them sitting by my bed. And I'll just flip through them and gaze at them , at their beauty. And I'm loving these pieces that I'm creating.
And I'm loving what my mom created. And I'm loving what my friends have created. I'm a huge fan of water coloring. In fact, I'm going to start a Water Coloring with Hal session where you can sign up for free. There's Quiet Time with Hal; now we're going to have Watercoloring with Hal.
Then my sister Julie showed up yesterday. And within five minutes of her showing up, I had her working on a watercolor project, because that's just the way we roll around here.
And I said, “Julie, you got two choices. You can either do my style, which is very solid, you know, precise lines, solid colors, or you can do mom's style, which is loose, and lots of fluidity,” and Julie said, “Can I do my own style?” And I said, “Yes, you can.” And Julie, of course, being the genius that she is, you know, within minutes had created her own style and just made three really nice pieces that I was actually jealous of. I was like, Ooh, I can't do that.
Well, I'm still drawn to the controlled shapes. I'm still drawn to the controlled lines. But I am going to try and loosen up a little bit. Oh, this is one thing. My sister was here. And I was watercoloring. And I made a sound of shock like, “Oh! Oh, no.” Like I had messed up. And Julie knows how important it is that I stay calm. And Julie said, “You have to learn to give up a little control, don't you?” She saw it in me, too.
I am a controlled artist. I'm a controlled perfectionist.
Maybe the stories that I'm telling, these hundred percent improv stories, are good for me because I'm not able to do that fine editing that I loved doing so much in the first 75 episodes.
But here's one more aside about Julie.
We've been rubber cementing the paintings to these brown cards. And I asked, “So, Julie, do you know how to use rubber cement?” And she looked at me with a funny look, like, “Hal, do I know how to do rubber cement? I'm the daughter of Janet Walker.” And that said it exactly. We grew up with rubber cement. Rubber cement was an important part of our lives. But interestingly - don't tell her this - but Julie did a poor job at rubber cementing. When you're rubber cementing, it's important that rubber touch all areas of both papers. Like you've got to have a full square of rubber on the card and a full square of rubber on the painting. The rubber cement only holds when there are two surfaces of rubber that are attached together. And Julie's corners are really sticking up from the edge. You could tell that she only put a dab of rubber cement on the actual card. Anyway, don't tell her I said that.
It's okay, Julie.
Obviously, I have some letting go of control to do.
Anyway, that's my story. I'm enjoying water coloring. I love it. Come over and watercolor with me. I'd love to have you. My favorite guests, the guests I'm looking for, are guests who are willing to sit quietly and watercolor and whisper when we talk.
If you're one of those people, please stop by and let's do some water coloring.
And I think that's it for today. I just wanted to share that little story about how it all came together in such an interesting way. You know, serendipity, synchronicity, one thing happens, then another. And before long, I'm becoming a professional watercolor artist.
That's my story. It was a little jumbled today.
But thank you so much for listening to Living in a Body. Hope you're enjoying living in your body today.
And I look forward to seeing what happens next. Two weeks without a crash. Keep praying for me.
I'm feeling a little bit more like I know what my boundaries are, I know what my limitations are, and I'm staying within them.
So stay in touch. Leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you
Bye bye
Water, Color and Letting Go of Control