Welcome to “What’s Your Story?”, the occasional Tuesday space where I invite YOU to participate in the writing. Every episode, I offer a new writing prompt. In 200 words or less, YOU get to tell YOUR story.
On the Friday night between Christmas and New Year's, I hosted my annual Christmas potluck. The last time this group of old friends had gathered at my home was before the pandemic. I spent most of the party in bed, but I came down for the “blessing” and the “sharing.”
On the afternoon of the event, I sent out this text.
I invite you to share a rose and a thorn in your life from 2023. Interpret it as you will, but typically a rose is a good thing and a thorn is a challenge.
Tip of the Week: You don’t have to be a writer to participate and you don’t need to be a good speller. All you gotta do is push that COMMENT button and start typing from the heart. ❤️
Keep it 200 words or less. (Word Counter) Be honest. Have fun. Don’t hold back. Leave your contribution in the comments. I’ll go first. (BTW… I cheated. It took me 255 words to say what I needed to say. 😉 … Do what you need to do.)
In 2020, I gave away my couch and turned my living room into a music and video production studio. With Hallie gone, the cozy home of her childhood was my new creative playhouse. Then ME/CFS hit hard. By the Fall of 2023, the studio had devolved into a house-wide storage space for equipment. Everywhere you looked, there were piles of my crap.
Finally able to hear some honest feedback from a beloved family member, I was inspired to declutter, simplify, eliminate and rearrange. With the help of a professional home organizer, my daughter Hallie, my sister Caroline and a few special friends, I spent the month of December turning this chaotic storage space into a cozy and welcoming home. I was grateful to be able to share my progress with the friends and family that visited over the holidays. It feels much better here these days.
In 2023, I carried a lot of regret. I've had this idea that if I had lived my life differently, I could have avoided some of this suffering. If I'd known when to stop, I wouldn't be as sick as I am now. It's easy to blame myself for the downturns that I've experienced.
I realize that regret is not useful. It's just another form of negative thinking that doesn't do any good. So I'm working on letting it go and living in the reality of this moment. I recently heard a definition for acceptance that has really stuck with me. I love it. "Acceptance is giving up all hope for a better past."
The best was the travelling to Spain , Mallorca and Cyprus .
The first trip was to investigate a caravan park to check out potential . A plan for my to spend winters there to ease arthritis . This included : Barcelona and the awesome Sagrada Familias.
The trip to Mallorca was fun . I swam in the sea and fell in love with palm trees all over again .
Going to Cyprus to be reunited with Sis after six years was fabulous even though she was so poorly . She rallied for trips out and we had time together to catch up . I loved Cyprus , swam daily and felt well . Sis shared her passion for soap making and I wrote poems.
The thorn was my misaligned spine , not being able to walk and struggling to do those spontaneous things that make life sweet . It did marr my trips but the thorn did not stop the roses from Blooming and looking beautiful .
The Rose (incidently my middle name of choice) not The Rose just Rose :) 🌹
Was my 50th b day on 27th April (taurus). I was somewhat freaked out at turning 50, cause 50s old right! Unless your older.. I mean I was 30 a minute ago... Umm not quite.
I wasn't expecting much, I mean housebound and I'll and recently had to let a close friend go. I've never been as popular as I would like so my expectations were low. ANYWAY I got a lot of attention and presents from people I just never expected! Beautiful flowers, 3 lots and lovely other things.
It was the being thought of and the belief maybe I'm more liked than I thought x
Also a friend came by with her children and that made my day 😊
Bouquets of roses came to me as I learned to create some art therapy workshops within my limited health envelope. Art in Nature is the program and it has made me bloom as I work with a few people that have spinal cord injuries. But nature has thorns and Covid in January 2023 brought back my long hidden ME/CFS. I know how to live sick but now I’m now older and have an aging body that is even more challenged by the fatigue than when I was in my 30s and 40s.
The thorn scraped me first, not so much the cancer, but the nasty, avaricious surgeon who intentionally misdiagnosed me in order to “feed his family,” as he thoughtlessly joked. Did he really think telling me there were two sites, instead of one, was not something I would eventually find out?
The rose bloomed and claimed the whole landscape of my life when I moved to Catalunya in the Fall. The efficient, honest, compassionate medical care, the bustling public transport, the tangerines and croissants on every corner, the ever-blue skies…”roses on my window”, indeed.
Holding you in my heart, Hal. May blessings make their way to you. I hope we see each other again.
Rose- celebrating 30 years together with the love of my life.
Thorn- Finding out he has stage 3/possibly 4 cancer in September.....I'm frozen in fear right now, but grateful for the outpouring of kindness, mostly from strangers.
And Hal, nothing you did/ didn't do or other, caused your ME. It's a genetic crap shoot, but hope is always there. I feel a shift in research, awareness and understanding of ME is near. Hold on!
Toward the end of the year, I found myself in the ICU with clots in my lungs, the result both of a plane flight and resting/sitting a lot due to a knee injury.
The rose, the bloom, was a Thanksgiving spent with my sister and her family, the first time I have visited them in years, and meeting new friends on a weekly Zoom poetry workshop.
Also a rose -- seeing things in a different, more placid way after slowing down, caring for myself with due to my medical conditions.
I know, Hal, you have experienced some moments of that calm. I am sorry things are so much rougher for you now.
My ROSE is my monthly art day. I’ve made it a regular thing this year to go to the Denver art museum every month and attend a free drawing class. I ride my bike to the bus station, take the bus to Denver, then ride my bike to the museum, and take myself out to lunch. I go to the drawing class and draw for two hours, then wander around the museum with no hurry or urgency, sometimes making more art, since the museum has wonderful, interactive exhibits. Afterwards, I go back to the historic bus station and sit at one of the big wide tables and write. Sometimes for a few hours, before getting back on the bus to go home. It’s my favorite day of the month.
THORN is climate change, and how it teams up with my chronic feeling of homelessness. Or of I-have-too- many-homes-and-still-don’t -know-where-to-land. It’s already completely insane and irrational to fly around in airplanes, but any minute now it’s going to be only the stupid rich people who fly. When we get there, I don’t know where I’ll be. I have beloveds in too many places. I guess that’s a good thing, but it makes my heart hurt a lot, and this year especially it has been a heavy one to carry.
My Thorn came late in the year. While getting established at a new job my ESA cat that I rescued and cared for from a newborn age for 4 years passed away. He suddenly developed an irreversible medical condition and there wasn't enough time or money to save him. My Rose started out the year in April. I got the honorable job of driving Hal to New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts then back to New York before we headed back home. I'd visited 17/50 states by this time and got to add two more to my list. I also got to fully experience mystery of NYC. I walked miles like a vagabond. Spending only $20-$30 a day. Of course in NYC that's just not as easy as it sounds but I made it work. I saw so many things. Lots of lessons I've been presented with thus far in my life began to finally process after I felt the immensity and "tendency to compel" that NYC truly has to offer. I will never get to experience NYC the same way I had the first time. I made it a once in a lifetime experience for myself. Cameron
It had been over twenty years since my brush with cancer. I felt secure with my plant based diet and exercise protecting me from recurrence and the common scourges of aging.
I didn’t hear the ticking clock of dopamine cells dying off.
My body was my faithful friend…or so I thought.
On January 9th 2023 I went to bed expecting nothing
but a satisfying read and a good night’s sleep.
Instead my left leg started shaking and wouldn’t stop.
All I could think of was my mother’s steady decline
And eventual death, bedridden and confused
I wept the noisy tears of a bereft child.
Once in daylight I searched the Web for glimmers of hope
Shaking can be nerves after all.
The shaking was soon joined by weakness
and reduced control of my hands and arms.
After a few weeks I could not drive, trim my own nails or play my flute
Everyday simple tasks were difficult.
Finally a visit to a neurologist confirmed my fear:
Parkinson’s Disease.
I soon started medication and miraculously lost the shakes
And regained my muscle strength and motor skills.
It was as if I had visited disability land but was released
So come on 2024
May this threat invite me to live fully each juicy day
A THORN: My own negative thinking which has been an issue in my life for a long time. Pretty much convinces me no one cares about me; I am incapable of taking care of myself; I will run out of money; I'll always be alone , etc. I'm starting chemo again and need a more positive attitude about that.
Logically I know none of that is true but the funks I get into whispers that it is.
A ROSE: Program I am in for food addicts has caused me to have a closer relationship with God,
meet new people that are in same boat and are willing to share their struggles. Has given me new insight into my life and much more. Getting acquainted with Hal Walker is a wonderful priviledge along with many other loving members of the program and even if I did not get any other benefit
Thorns and Roses, I began last January in a job that was simply draining. Working in case management after the end of the pandemic was getting to be too much for me. My husband had lost his job and I the main bread winner. Not only was I drowning at work but we were drowning financially. My only quiet escape was to write poetry. It came from the stories of my patients and my life.
Finally last April my husband landed a very good job. By June I left the hospital for a better position.
All those poems became my first self-published book in September. Since then,there have been many first time roses. Thank you Hal for this prompt.
A Rose
In 2020, I gave away my couch and turned my living room into a music and video production studio. With Hallie gone, the cozy home of her childhood was my new creative playhouse. Then ME/CFS hit hard. By the Fall of 2023, the studio had devolved into a house-wide storage space for equipment. Everywhere you looked, there were piles of my crap.
Finally able to hear some honest feedback from a beloved family member, I was inspired to declutter, simplify, eliminate and rearrange. With the help of a professional home organizer, my daughter Hallie, my sister Caroline and a few special friends, I spent the month of December turning this chaotic storage space into a cozy and welcoming home. I was grateful to be able to share my progress with the friends and family that visited over the holidays. It feels much better here these days.
A Thorn
In 2023, I carried a lot of regret. I've had this idea that if I had lived my life differently, I could have avoided some of this suffering. If I'd known when to stop, I wouldn't be as sick as I am now. It's easy to blame myself for the downturns that I've experienced.
I realize that regret is not useful. It's just another form of negative thinking that doesn't do any good. So I'm working on letting it go and living in the reality of this moment. I recently heard a definition for acceptance that has really stuck with me. I love it. "Acceptance is giving up all hope for a better past."
Rose and thorn of 2023
There were roses galore in 2023
The best was the travelling to Spain , Mallorca and Cyprus .
The first trip was to investigate a caravan park to check out potential . A plan for my to spend winters there to ease arthritis . This included : Barcelona and the awesome Sagrada Familias.
The trip to Mallorca was fun . I swam in the sea and fell in love with palm trees all over again .
Going to Cyprus to be reunited with Sis after six years was fabulous even though she was so poorly . She rallied for trips out and we had time together to catch up . I loved Cyprus , swam daily and felt well . Sis shared her passion for soap making and I wrote poems.
The thorn was my misaligned spine , not being able to walk and struggling to do those spontaneous things that make life sweet . It did marr my trips but the thorn did not stop the roses from Blooming and looking beautiful .
The Rose (incidently my middle name of choice) not The Rose just Rose :) 🌹
Was my 50th b day on 27th April (taurus). I was somewhat freaked out at turning 50, cause 50s old right! Unless your older.. I mean I was 30 a minute ago... Umm not quite.
I wasn't expecting much, I mean housebound and I'll and recently had to let a close friend go. I've never been as popular as I would like so my expectations were low. ANYWAY I got a lot of attention and presents from people I just never expected! Beautiful flowers, 3 lots and lovely other things.
It was the being thought of and the belief maybe I'm more liked than I thought x
Also a friend came by with her children and that made my day 😊
Bouquets of roses came to me as I learned to create some art therapy workshops within my limited health envelope. Art in Nature is the program and it has made me bloom as I work with a few people that have spinal cord injuries. But nature has thorns and Covid in January 2023 brought back my long hidden ME/CFS. I know how to live sick but now I’m now older and have an aging body that is even more challenged by the fatigue than when I was in my 30s and 40s.
What a lovely, fertile prompt to begin a year.
The thorn scraped me first, not so much the cancer, but the nasty, avaricious surgeon who intentionally misdiagnosed me in order to “feed his family,” as he thoughtlessly joked. Did he really think telling me there were two sites, instead of one, was not something I would eventually find out?
The rose bloomed and claimed the whole landscape of my life when I moved to Catalunya in the Fall. The efficient, honest, compassionate medical care, the bustling public transport, the tangerines and croissants on every corner, the ever-blue skies…”roses on my window”, indeed.
Holding you in my heart, Hal. May blessings make their way to you. I hope we see each other again.
Thanks for another thoughtful prompt Hal!
Rose- celebrating 30 years together with the love of my life.
Thorn- Finding out he has stage 3/possibly 4 cancer in September.....I'm frozen in fear right now, but grateful for the outpouring of kindness, mostly from strangers.
And Hal, nothing you did/ didn't do or other, caused your ME. It's a genetic crap shoot, but hope is always there. I feel a shift in research, awareness and understanding of ME is near. Hold on!
Toward the end of the year, I found myself in the ICU with clots in my lungs, the result both of a plane flight and resting/sitting a lot due to a knee injury.
The rose, the bloom, was a Thanksgiving spent with my sister and her family, the first time I have visited them in years, and meeting new friends on a weekly Zoom poetry workshop.
Also a rose -- seeing things in a different, more placid way after slowing down, caring for myself with due to my medical conditions.
I know, Hal, you have experienced some moments of that calm. I am sorry things are so much rougher for you now.
My ROSE is my monthly art day. I’ve made it a regular thing this year to go to the Denver art museum every month and attend a free drawing class. I ride my bike to the bus station, take the bus to Denver, then ride my bike to the museum, and take myself out to lunch. I go to the drawing class and draw for two hours, then wander around the museum with no hurry or urgency, sometimes making more art, since the museum has wonderful, interactive exhibits. Afterwards, I go back to the historic bus station and sit at one of the big wide tables and write. Sometimes for a few hours, before getting back on the bus to go home. It’s my favorite day of the month.
THORN is climate change, and how it teams up with my chronic feeling of homelessness. Or of I-have-too- many-homes-and-still-don’t -know-where-to-land. It’s already completely insane and irrational to fly around in airplanes, but any minute now it’s going to be only the stupid rich people who fly. When we get there, I don’t know where I’ll be. I have beloveds in too many places. I guess that’s a good thing, but it makes my heart hurt a lot, and this year especially it has been a heavy one to carry.
My Thorn came late in the year. While getting established at a new job my ESA cat that I rescued and cared for from a newborn age for 4 years passed away. He suddenly developed an irreversible medical condition and there wasn't enough time or money to save him. My Rose started out the year in April. I got the honorable job of driving Hal to New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts then back to New York before we headed back home. I'd visited 17/50 states by this time and got to add two more to my list. I also got to fully experience mystery of NYC. I walked miles like a vagabond. Spending only $20-$30 a day. Of course in NYC that's just not as easy as it sounds but I made it work. I saw so many things. Lots of lessons I've been presented with thus far in my life began to finally process after I felt the immensity and "tendency to compel" that NYC truly has to offer. I will never get to experience NYC the same way I had the first time. I made it a once in a lifetime experience for myself. Cameron
2023 The year my body let me down
It had been over twenty years since my brush with cancer. I felt secure with my plant based diet and exercise protecting me from recurrence and the common scourges of aging.
I didn’t hear the ticking clock of dopamine cells dying off.
My body was my faithful friend…or so I thought.
On January 9th 2023 I went to bed expecting nothing
but a satisfying read and a good night’s sleep.
Instead my left leg started shaking and wouldn’t stop.
All I could think of was my mother’s steady decline
And eventual death, bedridden and confused
I wept the noisy tears of a bereft child.
Once in daylight I searched the Web for glimmers of hope
Shaking can be nerves after all.
The shaking was soon joined by weakness
and reduced control of my hands and arms.
After a few weeks I could not drive, trim my own nails or play my flute
Everyday simple tasks were difficult.
Finally a visit to a neurologist confirmed my fear:
Parkinson’s Disease.
I soon started medication and miraculously lost the shakes
And regained my muscle strength and motor skills.
It was as if I had visited disability land but was released
So come on 2024
May this threat invite me to live fully each juicy day
Pat Hixson
A THORN: My own negative thinking which has been an issue in my life for a long time. Pretty much convinces me no one cares about me; I am incapable of taking care of myself; I will run out of money; I'll always be alone , etc. I'm starting chemo again and need a more positive attitude about that.
Logically I know none of that is true but the funks I get into whispers that it is.
A ROSE: Program I am in for food addicts has caused me to have a closer relationship with God,
meet new people that are in same boat and are willing to share their struggles. Has given me new insight into my life and much more. Getting acquainted with Hal Walker is a wonderful priviledge along with many other loving members of the program and even if I did not get any other benefit
from the program that is more than worth it.
Thorns and Roses, I began last January in a job that was simply draining. Working in case management after the end of the pandemic was getting to be too much for me. My husband had lost his job and I the main bread winner. Not only was I drowning at work but we were drowning financially. My only quiet escape was to write poetry. It came from the stories of my patients and my life.
Finally last April my husband landed a very good job. By June I left the hospital for a better position.
All those poems became my first self-published book in September. Since then,there have been many first time roses. Thank you Hal for this prompt.
I love your house Hal and I know you do also.
Hawthorn berries collected November 2, All Souls Day
The faeries knew I was desperate for them so let me have at it
They get my job is to create the world by wiping it clean
First, the stagnation, needing to express it
Then, dissolving, softening, turning the wheels
Joshua fit the battle of Jericho
Joshua the wall breaker, returning to the ground of being
Knowing who I am without quandary, 3rd chakra confidence
There’s a time to stop being clever and start being wise
Jacques said all the worlds a stage and Shakespeare knew
The scenery is mostly made up of distortions and strategies
Striking the set, what’s left is an empty circle
What some might consider wholeness, I guess
Yes, creating the world by wiping it clean, and moving to center
Scanning the perimeter, the edges, from my new position, observing
The Fool and The World, cards one and twenty-one, I am that I am.
Grief moving through… We often decide it’s ours but is it?
When things come up, asking is this something to nourish or destroy?
Washing the stagnation with Corn Silk tea and letting it dissolve
White Sage for clearing, cleansing
Elecampane moving the grief from the lungs
Pumpkin flower essence for softening, hardening and expressing
Taking apart the stage, prop by prop, flat by flat
Entering wholeness, standing in the center of the circle and not knowing
Cueing up Bob Marley’s Small Axe, reading Philip Whalen’s On Bear’s Head
When I’m not in mortal battle with life, I feel fine
When I’m on the gerbil wheel, I’m in pain
I was raised in fragmentation, duality on steroids
The truth was too painful, dissociation saved my life
Fear is the medicine of my healing, underneath is the path forward
When I see the distortions the path becomes illumined
When I choose to come back to truth I can keep it
Like learning to walk, then learning to walk and talk
Beginning to realize trust is an inside job
Prescription: Soothing, expressing, moving grief, cleansing
Inviting wholeness.
Don’t. Know.