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Hal Walker's avatar

They say never say never. I think I got bored yesterday. It was about four o'clock in the afternoon and my Substack was done. Dinner wasn't for two hours and my float is usually at 5. I was like, "What am I supposed to do now?" I stared out the window for a few minutes and then I made a phone call and then I filled my vitamin box for the week. I'm not sure, but I think I was bored.

At 5:00 this morning, I debated whether or not to change "never" to "rarely." After some struggle, the word crafter one out over honesty. I felt like "never" was a stronger statement and flowed out of my mouth better... plus.. it would've been a pain in the neck to change the audio at the last minute.

So... just to be clear. I do sometimes get bored. ❤️

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Carol Mossa's avatar

Dear Hal. I met you earlier this week during Office Hours, and I am smitten with your work, your life, your courage and creativity. Brave, honest, open Hal. Thank you for being you, for telling the truth. Dark Night of the Soul: I am a certified meditation teacher and actually have a script for this very topic. Let me know if you'd like me to email it to you. Bless you, friend. (PS: I'm going to recommend you to my subscribers, too.)

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Hal Walker's avatar

Thank you so much, Carol. I’m glad to have you here. Yes… send it along. Halwalker@substack.com

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Holly Rabalais's avatar

Thanks for showing up, for sharing, and for being authentic. I'm looking forward to episode 29, whatever it brings.

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Hal Walker's avatar

Thanks so much Holly. I can't wait to see what comes out :)

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Holly Rabalais's avatar

The blank page can be such an adventure!

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Puck's avatar

So many thoughts on this one. I think of David Kessler, grief expert, discussing the blank page as your future, that it’s not written yet, that you are the writer, not the past, not losses, not death in the point he makes. He says, “You are the creator of your future. Don’t let your mind tell you otherwise. Your future is blank as of now. As the saying goes, ‘Don’t let your past dictate your future.’” He talks about thoughts and meaning like saying “I’m healing versus I’m stuck.”

I hope you write the story of the dark night of the soul - primarily for you, yourself, your healing - and then share it to the world if YOU want to. I felt I went through one in 2007. I had several talks with Maj, who told me to just sit with it, to try to sit with the sadness and darkness and see what it told me. I had stopped journaling years before to not stay mired in negative emotions so I have little documented from that time except medical records, poetry, and a few emails.

That brings me to my third thought. Journaling in any way can be so illuminating! During the pandemic of 2020, I started to come to terms with numerous traumas in my life so I picked up a journal in May 2020 and wrote what I had been afraid to speak about one specific trauma. About a month later, one of my dearest friends and supports in life through some of the traumas died and the journals became a place to process grief. I’m on journal #7 now and when I revisit them, I have insights, epiphanies, and learn new things that my writing subconscious knows. I’m as honest as I can be with myself because I know I’m only writing it for me as an outlet and place to process and find meaning. Sometimes creativity shows up there too-musings, poems, quotes and memes I collect and want to remember, images, hope. Keep writing it out, Hal, however that looks for you.

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Hal Walker's avatar

Thank you so much for sharing Tina. I appreciate hearing your thoughts here. ✌🏼I saw Jexo ride past my house a few days ago and I shouted, "Jexo!" He shouted, "Brother Hal!" :)

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Puck's avatar

With the biggest warm grin I’m sure :) ❤️

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Ilene's avatar

Thanks, Hal. This episode spoke to me. I am at a real "blank page" time in my life, so these are things I think about everyday.

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Hal Walker's avatar

I'm really glad it spoke to you. It was nice to see you today at the market. :) H

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Atoosa Rubenstein's avatar

I hope you tell Dark Night of the Soul. Until then, let’s wordle. 🥰

Wordle 427 6/6

⬜🟨🟨🟨⬜

🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜

🟩🟨🟨🟨⬜

🟩⬜🟨🟨⬜

🟩🟩🟨⬜🟨

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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Hal Walker's avatar

Wordle 427 4/6

⬛🟨🟨🟨🟩

⬛🟨🟨🟨🟩

⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

:)

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Nico's avatar

Wordle 427 3/6

⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜

🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🥳

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Hal Walker's avatar

Wordle 429 2/6

⬛🟩⬛🟨🟩

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Yeeee hoooo

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Atoosa Rubenstein's avatar

Oh you’re such a show off, Hal! 😵‍💫

Wordle 429 4/6

⬜🟩⬜🟨⬜

⬜🟨⬜⬜🟩

🟨🟩🟨🟩🟩

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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Hal Walker's avatar

Lol. ❤️

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Emma Kitchen's avatar

You breaking down, at the end of singing the song, hit me hard. There is such raw power in these early writings Hal. ❤️

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Hal Walker's avatar

Thank you so much for reading the old ones. ❤️ I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 3 years now!!

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Benjie Messer's avatar

Hi Hal. I always love reading or listening to these, and I loved this one too. And I love that you're having such fun writing them, and that people are reading and listening to them. There's one thing you said that I push back against all the time in myself, though- that line, "Publications [or whatever] that are successful keep going." Like, that to be successful, you have to keep going forever. I have that voice in my head a lot, and I try to remind myself that if I never write another song, or play another show, it will have been enough. Dayenu. :)

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Hal Walker's avatar

Yay. Thanks for the nice words and thanks for the pushback. I guess the point that I'm really trying to make is that I know it might get hard and I'm interested in seeing what happens on the other side of hard. I hope my body let's me keep going. The whole "Publications that are successful..." line is one that I'm willing to let go of, though. :) Thank you so much for paying attention. ❤️.

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Mike Finley's avatar

Hey Hal,

Thanks again for sharing. I was on a zoom meeting with my three sisters this morning. We started this Sunday ritual back in 2020 and have just continued it as a way to connect and share on a weekly basis. Over the last two years, we have had happy chats, informative chats, sorrowful chats and a myriad of heartfelt sharing that helps solidify and grow our bond. California, New York, Massachusetts and Ohio are represented in this weekly get together. Today, we ended up discussing how life experience; good, bad or indifferent occurs and we as humans, never really "get over" any of it. The experience becomes part of us and, as we evolve as "experienced humans", our thoughts, our words and our actions are influenced by our past and present. Our/my perspective and priorities change, as they should, due to what have lived through.

Your insight and reflection and how you can express it in written word is incredible. You are influencing me and those I may influence in my interactions with them. A ripple effect if you will.

My sisters do not know you, but they have been touched by you through me.

M

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Hal Walker's avatar

Three sisters!? Same here. (Mine in Colorado and California) I love that you've been so consistent with the Sunday Zoom calls, Mike -- one of the blessings to come out the pandemic, I imagine. Thank you for being here and thank you for commenting. It means a lot to me. Hal

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Cali Bird's avatar

Hi Hal. I read your email every Saturday and really enjoyed todays. This summer I have had mild Chronic Fatigue and also suffered post viral fatigue after having covid a year ago. I am getting stronger but am not back to full strength yet. Being honest, sometimes your experiences frighten me because I fear that one day it could be me if my fatigue took a downturn. But I am also inspired by you. You have a wonderful upbeat tone and inspite of your illness you have built such a huge community both here on Substack and on social media. I'm sure you will keep finding interesting things to write about. I too am intrigued by what you might say and discover in a dark night of the soul post. If you write it please remember to take care of yourself too because sometimes that big old emotional stuff can take its toll. Happy Saturday!

P. S. I got wordle in 3 today. I love wordle and find it a gentle, grounding thing to do each day.

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Hal Walker's avatar

Thanks so much Cali. I can relate to the fear. I know several people living with much more severe symptoms than me and hearing their story can be very difficult. I'm glad you're here and I wish all the best for you. H

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